Who Put Those Two In Charge of Children!
by Rubadub
Summary: Levi and Eren are caretakers at a day care. Oh god.
1. In Which Mikasa takes the plot

Who Put Those Two In Charge of Children?!

By Rubadub

Chapter 1: In Which Mikasa takes the plot by the throat

* * *

Eren gave a low whistle.

The build before him sparkled. Pale rose brick glittered in the full morning light, and there wasn't even a hint of a smudge on those green-tinted windows. Even the walkway looked unusually clean - Eren's sharp green eyes couldn't locate a single unwanted speck. Given how the lawn was manicured with military precision, there should have been at least a stray blade of grass.

Was this right place? Eren rechecked the slip of paper that held the address.

_Survey Day Care Center_

_Wing Park Way 100_

Eren laughed. So this was how the rich lived. Even a holding cell for screaming, snotty children was so classed up it looked like a salon.

"Eren?" Mikasa tugged at his hand, peering up at him with solemn dark eyes. Her expression was blank, but he felt the tightness of her grip. He kneeled down and readjusted the crimson scarf around her face.

"Don't worry, Mikasa," he soothed the five-year-old. "Dad knew someone here, so he'll get us a job. We'll be alright."

His little sister nodded, and bowed her head. His little worrywart. He scooped her in his arms, delighting in the muted squeak of displeasure, and strode into the center with long, sure steps. A cheery little jingle played when he entered.

"Welcome to the Trost Day Care Center. How may I help you today?" a young woman from behind a counter to his right. She brushed back her short strawberry-red bangs and gave him a pleasant smile.

Eren didn't hear her. "Is this really a day care center?" he muttered as he squinted against the gleam of the marbled floors. Whomever waxed these floors must be very motivated...guiltily, Eren glanced back at the black streaks he'd left at the entryway.

The young woman laughed. Eren whipped around, his cheeks reddening. "Uh, sorry. I was surprised by...by the…"

"It's a common reaction. Our manager has strict standards for cleanliness, as children tend to get sick very often."

"Makes sense."

"I'm Petra Ral, by the way," she said. "Are you here to enroll your...daughter?"

Eren shook his head with a chuckle. "Ah, no. Mikasa is my little sister. My name is Eren Jaeger." He stepped forward and shook the receptionist's hand. "I'm actually here because of Hange Zoe's instructions...my parents recently passed away and I just turned eighteen. Hange is a colleague of my father's."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Eren" Petra said with genuine sympathy. Eren managed a grimace of thanks. It was better than the blank condolences he usually received. "And you want to keep your little sister with you that's why you are here."

"Yeah." Eren looked down and squeezed Mikasa's hand.

With the whirlwind of family affairs to settle after the ill-fated car crash, Eren hadn't had to time to let it sink it. It remained a numb, cumbersome mass in his chest, unwieldy, but also not directly impeding his ability to function. Eren preferred to keep it that way for now, at least until everything was settled. He'll have time to cry later.

"Professor Zoe was correct - we've been expecting you. She called our director a few days ago and he gave the okay to find you something here. Unfortunately, the director isn't in right now, but Levi can take care of you and get you settled in. Follow me."

Petra stepped out from behind the counter and led them down a long hallway. Just when Eren was beginning to suspect that she was leading them in circles past the same three rooms, Petra halted and knocked on an unlabeled door.

"Levi?"

"Come in," was the faint reply. Petra obeyed, twisting the handle and gestured for them to file in after her.

A man with small, fine features frowned at them from behind his desk. Hooded eyes seared into Eren, and the boy found himself resisting the urge to look away. But Eren was always one for a challenge, and he met the pale glare with one of his own.

"Who the hell are these brats?"

"Eren Jaeger and his little sister, Mikasa," Petra said calmly. As if Levi hadn't just cursed in front of a child. "I'll see you later." She closed the door behind her when she exited. Eren debated running after her.

"Shitty glasses' brats, huh?" Levi stood and and walked until he was only a few steps from them. Eren gaped at him even as he tried to cover Mikasa's ears. One, this...imbecile had a potty mouth.

Two, he was clearly making up for a complex of some sort because he was really short. Like potentially legally recognized midget kind of short.

Three, somehow, Levi's miniature size made him every more terrifying. Smaller meant harder to keep track of off should he decide to go for the throat.

"Shut your mouth, Jaeger. I can smell your disgusting breath from here. If we're going to allow you to stay here, you'll need to brush your teeth regularly."

Eren shut his mouth with a click of teeth. "I brush," he gritted out.

Before Levi could reply, Mikasa approached him and tugged at his pant leg. She gave him a displeased look. "Mean shorty. Eren's not stinky."

Levi ignored her insult and looked expectantly at Eren. One fine brow lifted, as if to say well, aren't you going to retrieve your brat? Normally, Eren had a problem of having too much to say and not enough of a filter, but his tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth under the narrow, steely gaze of the older man.

He managed a glare at Levi as he picked up Mikasa. The short man was unimpressed.

"Tch. We have dorms down the street for the caretakers here. You'll be working on the lowest level salary for now until you learn not to drop all the babies like eggs."

"I don't dr-" Eren muttered, but Levi took a long step forward, forcing Eren scrambling backwards. His back hit the door with a dull thud.

"I'm not finished," Levi hissed. Even though his head barely cleared Eren's chin, his presence seemed to loom over them. Eren clutched Mikasa closer to his chest as Levi leaned forward. "We don't have the budget for the janitors to pick up after dirty, shitty brats so you will keep your room clean - that means dusting and vacuuming, and I will be checking. Furthermore -"

Levi broke off with a choking sound when Mikasa reach out and grabbed a fistful of his cravat. Eren stared in horror as she gave it a vicious tug, enough to unravel it and pull Levi forward. Levi was forced to catch himself by putting both hands on Eren's chest. The excess weight was too much (and Levi was much heavier than he appeared) and the three of them toppled to the ground, with Eren at the bottom of a very strange, angry dogpile.

Eren groaned, his ribs protested. He still clutched Mikasa in one arm, but at some point, he had automatically thrown an arm around Levi's waist. Levi shifted, and Eren's physical awareness moved lower. One muscled thigh slid between his legs and_ 'down boy' this is so wrong because he was still holding his little sister._

"Mean shorty," Mikasa grumbled, still refusing to release Levi's cravat. Eren silently thanked her for her diversion. He would simply die if Levi noticed the uncomfortable tightness of his pants.

Levi extracted himself from Eren's hold and jerked his cravat out of Mikasa's hand. Shadows fell over his eyes, making his eyes more piercing.

"Get. Out."

Eren did not need to be told twice.


	2. In which others are introduced

Who Put Those Two In Charge of Children?!

By Rubadub

Chapter 2: In Which others are introduced and Jaeger scares the kids

* * *

Thankfully, the rest of Eren's orientation went more smoothly. Petra gave him directions and keys for his apartment, giving him the rest of the day to get settled. The next morning, she led him on a brief tour of the facilities after he had filled out the employment papers.

He was starting to get sense of the strange circular pattern of the center, but was still forced to follow Petra. Mikasa insisted on tagging along, but rather than taking in the tour, she buried her face into the crook of Eren's neck. The whole move was affecting her more than she would admit, so Eren took the chance to

"Auruo is in charge of Class T3." There was a hint of distaste in her voice that was at odds with the way her whole being seemed to emanate kindness. She knocked on the door before pulling it open.

A scene of chaos greeted them. The lone adult - Auruo, he presumed - was prostrate on the ground, expertly tied up with neon-colored jump ropes. A little blond girl with a hooked nose sat on his upraised bottom, watching with interest as two boys - one of dark coloring and one of light - battled each other with plastic swords. Several times, those blades swung far too close to Auruo's face for comfort.

"Heeelp meee," the man moaned. Blood leaked out of his mouth and Eren hoped it was indicative of only a bitten tongue, not of any internal injuries. Though the flat look of the little girl was enough to send shivers down his spine. Even worse, Mikasa seemed to take the glare as a challenge and began to squirm in the way all children did when they wanted to be put down. Eren tightened his hold and backed away.

Petra slowly closed the door. "We'll come back later," she said with a nervous laugh. Eren admired her calm in the face of such horrors, and resolved to learn from a senior member of the staff. "So you see, that's why we keep our classes small. You will be assigned to help out with a class with our best caretaker...our manager actually. With the addition of Mikasa, that would six children." She turn look at Eren. He had a green tinge to his face.

"Six….are all of the kids like...them?" he whispered. Mikasa patted his cheek in gesture of comfort. She was just a good child. Eren sincerely hoped there wasn't something in the water here in Trost that would contaminate his sweet little sister into the monsters of Class T3.

"Levi keeps them well disciplined," Petra assured.

Eren stopped walking. "Levi?"

As the Levi from yesterday that made every part of his body zing, some parts more than others. Petra gave him a strange look.

"Well yes, Levi is the manager."

Eren gulped. "So I will be helping him in the same room every single day?" For all of Eren's good intentions, he was still a hotheaded, hot-blooded teenager. While he'd known he was gay for a few years, no one made his gay little heart do fabulous rhythmic gymnastics quite like on Levi had. And that was just with one touch - how in the world was he going to handle being exposed to him for long periods of time? To make things worse, it would be in a roomful of children...that was just wrong.

"Got a problem with that, brat?" Eren spun around, an apology sputtering on his lips.

"Let me down, Eren. I'm kick him," Mikasa said helpfully. The eager glint in her eyes unnerved Eren. Again, he tightened his grip to keep his little sister from committing suicide. But she was much more determined and wriggled out of his grasp. She trotted up to the manager, seemingly unaware of the height difference. But then again, she didn't notice the contrast with taller adults either, so that wasn't saying much.

"Golden Rule, brat. I will do to your brother whatever you do to me," Levi said. Eren winced - Levi's kick would hurt a thousand times more than Mikasa would manage.

"That's not the rule," she argued.

"Here, it is." Levi's eyes narrowed. "Now are you sure you want to kick me?"

Mikasa lowered her head, staring down at Levi's polished boot in contemplation. There was no doubt in Eren's mind that those boots were steel-toed. For a moment, Eren feared Mikasa was going to kick Levi anyway.

Then, Mikasa crossed her arms. "Want to, but won't," she said. "But stop being mean to Eren."

Levi smirked. "Smart girl." He ruffled her hair as he stepped by, eliciting a little growl from the child. However, none of the adults missed the gleam of reluctant respect in the girl's eyes. "Now Jaeger, when you are done stinking up the hallway, come make yourself useful at Class 104."

Eren managed a slight nod, though he couldn't wipe the expression of awe off his face. Levi had handled Mikasa perfectly - up until this point, only he had been able to deter Mikasa from one of her protective quests.

"See?" he vaguely heard Petra say. "You'll be just fine."

* * *

Levi ran Class 104 like a small army and it was the most adorable thing Eren had ever witnessed.

"Attention!" Levi called. Five heads perked up from their toys. Giggling to themselves, they rounded themselves into a semblance of a line.

"Good morning, Cor-pwal Levi!" they chorused almost in sync. Levi nodded at them in approval.

"Soldiers, we have two new recruits today. Commander Eren Jaeger and fellow soldier Mikasa."

Eren and Mikasa waved from the front of the room. The other children saluted in a surprisingly cohesive manner.

"Soldier Mikasa, introduce yourself." She stepped forward and saluted.

"I'm Mikasa Ackerman. I'm five. Don't pick on Eren." After her terse introduction, she stepped smartly back to Eren's side. If any of the other members of the class thought it was strange, that the little sister was protecting the older brother, none mentioned it.

"Commander Jaeger, your turn." Levi pinned Eren with a look that invited him to not play along. It was also an invitation paired with death and torture. No thanks.

"I'm Eren Jaeger, and I'm eighteen."

"Ooold," one of the boys with a buzz cut murmured in awe. Eren's eyebrow twitched. He wasn't old, at least not as decrepit as the uncle standing next to him.

"And I just moved to Trost with my little sister," he gritted out. "I hope we have fun together!"

After a very warm chorus of welcomes, the current class went down the line and introduced themselves.

"I'm Sasha Braus," a little girl with a fluffy ponytail said as she stepped forward. There were crumbs on her cheeks, and some stuck in her bangs. "I'm…" Everyone waited patiently for her to count out her fingers. She held up four fingers proudly. "I'm five this year. I like milk and chips and cookies and...hey Corpwal Levi, can I have a sn-"

"No," Levi said flatly. But his hands were gentle when he wiped her face with a rag. "Next."

The boy with the buzz cut leaped up next and saluted with his left hand. "Connie Springer. And my name is a boy's name! I'm five, too. I like Hide and Seek and playing games."

Next was a fragile-looking blonde with enormous blue eyes. "I'm Armin Arlert," he introduced himself quietly. "I'm the same age as Connie and Sasha, and I really like books. And marine biology." He pronounced the last term reverently, careful to enunciate every syllable. Mikasa smiled at him, already deciding her favorite (after Eren, of course).

"My name is Christa Lenz and I am also five," said a girl with the kind of looks that won beauty pageants. There was doll-like quality to her with the gold hair and the sky eyes, but the sheer sweetness of her expression made her more like an angel. "I like my friend Ymir and baby animals because they're cute." She offered Eren and Mikasa a smile - Eren decided this girl was the personification of a Disney princess. All she needed was a beast and a few birds singing around her.

It was a sharp contrast to boy next to her, who was eyeing Mikasa with a soppy expression that Eren did not like one bit. The ugly little brat had strange two-toned hair that resembled a dead animal and a horse-ish face.

"I'm...I…like your hair."

"Why thank you," Eren said with a dark smile that showed too many teeth. "I forgot to brush it this morning, so I really appreciate the compliment."

"Not you, ugly!" was the snapped reply. But then Mikasa approached the boy with her arms on her little hips.

"Eren's not ugly. Take that back." The boy visibly deflated. The look of defeat only lasted a moment before he whipped his gaze to Eren with a challenge in his eyes. Sensing a fight, Sasha began cheering. The other children joined in, jumped up and down and clapping their hands. Vicious little rugrats, these kids...

"Enough." Levi's voice cut through the din like a blade. They looked guiltily at him as he massaged his temple. "Too early for this kind of shit. Jean, apologize to Jaeger. Jaeger, stop scaring the children. And Mikasa, stop trying to set Jean on fire with your glare." Levi's hand dropped to his side and he pinned them with an icy glare. "And everyone, get in line."

Everyone, including Eren, obeyed.

"Kirstein, introduce yourself properly."

"My name is Jean Kirstein. I am five, I don't like Eren,"- here he shot Eren a dirty look - "but I do like Mikasa." He gave the girl what he thought was a winning smile, only to realize that she wasn't even looking at him.

Levi rubbed the bridge of his nose. Between the ridiculously adorable teaching assisstant someone (coughErwincough) hated him enough to assign him, and the ridiculously annoying brats of Class 104, it was going to be a long year.


	3. In Which Eren is dirty and omake

Who Put Those Two In Charge of Children?!

By Rubadub

Chapter 3: In Which Eren is a dirty boy, Sasha is hungry, and omake!

* * *

Naptime could not come fast enough. When Mikasa's eyelids finally fluttered closed, Eren staggered out the door and somehow made it to the break room before collapsing in a chair.

"Here."

Eren stared at the cup of tea in front his face. His eyes followed the elegant hand holding the cup, up the slim and neat arm, shoulder, cravat, and then finally, landed on the angled features of his new mentor. Said mentor glared until the boy remembered what he should be doing.

"Oh, thanks." Eren accepted the cup and wrapped his fingers around it. The heat emanating from it was soothing. He blew gently on the surface before taking a small sip. The warmth of the tea seeped into his body and he let out a contented sigh as he closed his eyes.

Then he remembered that he wasn't alone. Eren opened his eyes to meet an unreadable gray gaze. Levi watched him for a long moment. Then he took a seat next to Eren and neatly swung one over the other. Somehow, he made the prim gesture seem...sultry. Eren tore his eyes away from Levi because he was not oogling the man's _ankles_.

"It's a tough role, especially when you're new to it."

Eren felt heat rise in his cheeks and pretended it was due to the warmth of his tea.

"Yeah…" he agreed. "I really didn't expect art time to be so...violent." He scratched at the streaks of paint that still remained on his cheek. Bits of yellow and blue clumped in the his hair and he was sure there was at least three handprints on his ass. A bunch of five-year-olds got to second base with him. To his horror, Mikasa hadn't recognized the affront to his dignity and had joined in.

"Tch," Levi muttered. He picked up his cup from the table by the rim and took a sip. "That is the most peaceful of the activities today. They will probably want to play Titan later - its their most recent obsession."

"Titan?" It sounded dangerous.

"You'll see." The cup hid most of his mouth, but Eren saw the smirk. _The bastard was mocking him._

Eren couldn't quite find the words for a witty (or at least completely non-failing) retort and resorted to glaring intermittently at Levi while the other man sipped his tea. It would have been more effective if he hadn't been forced to look away whenever Levi met his eyes. Which was quite often. In fact, Levi was staring at his face with disconcerting intensity. It was the glare of a man about to take down humanity's greatest enemy. Not exactly Eren's preferred manner of being viewed.

Then finally, with an irritated hiss, Levi pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wet it in the sink. He returned and grabbed Eren's chin with one firm hand.

"Wait what are-mff!" His protests were cut off as Levi vigorously scrubbed at his face. He tried to slap Levi away but the man had the grip strength of a lobster, or something equally dangerous and grabby. Either way, it hurt and Eren couldn't escape. This wasn't the gentle ministrations of a teacher - this was a sadistic man out for kicks and giggles.

Finally, Levi released Eren. The boy stumbled away from him, knocking over his chair in the process. His cheeks burned from the rough treatment - Levi had sloughed off what felt like all the outer layers of his skin. _Who needed those face scubby washes when there was Levi around_?

"You...you," Eren sputtered.

"You're welcome," Levi told him as he turned to leave. "Let's get back before they wake up and realize we're not there."

Eren stared at him, tempted to chew him out for the unwarranted treatment. But he remembered that he needed this job, made a growl of frustration, and followed.

Sasha was already up when they returned. She was also currently perched on the shelf where the treats were hidden. The child looked up at them and gave them a chocolatey grin. Silvery wrappers littered the floor beneath her like confetti after a New Year's party.

"You filthy food-bucket..." Levi growled. He strode across the room and plucked her up by the back of her shirt. He turned her so she was facing him at eye-level. "What have I told you about eating chocolates not given to you?"

Sasha was a girl with good instincts, because rather than attempting to answer, she gave Levi a winning smile. "I love you, Corpwal Levi," she said. She extended the remaining candy still clutched in her fist. Eren wondered how the older man managed not to melt like the chocolate smeared on her chubby cheeks. Even from day 1, he could tell that Sasha willingly offering her food was a rare and special occurance. Instead, Levi's narrowed eyes slid to the peace offering, and then back to Sasha whose smile had slipped into something that was less grin and more grimace.

"Answer my question." He gave Sasha a shake. She looked down, fluffy ponytail seeming to droop with her shoulders. "Don't eat them," she mumbled to the ground.

"And will you obey me in the future?"

Sasha gave a pitiful salute. "Yes, Corpwal."

"Good." Levi set her down and pulled out a packet of baby wipes. When Sasha no longer appeared as if someone had pushed her into a bucket of chocolate pudding, he gave her a nod. Though contrite, she smiled before heading back to her mat to tidy up her space.

"Wow, you're really good with kids," Eren murmured as he squatted down to help Levi pick up the wrappers.

"They're easier than adults," Levi replied. Eren gave him a strange look and the short man rolled his eyes. "Get your shitty mind out of the gutter. I meant they are easier to deal with. Brats don't play stupid-ass games with you. Even if they do, it's obvious, so it doesn't matter."

"You're right," Eren said with a chuckle. He was unsure about his next thought and glanced at Levi hesitantly.

"Spit it out, brat, before you become even more constipated." Eren winced.

"How do the kids know not to imitate your language?"

"Because I fucking told them not to. Their fucking overprotective parents would flip their shit. Brat don't play stupid-ass games but they do like to keep stupid-ass secrets."

Now Levi was cursing just to spite him, if the hint of a smirk on his thin lips was any indication. Eren was gripped with the oddest urge to kiss/punch that expression off his face. (Though he couldn't quite decided which action would lead to worse consequences.) He settled for glaring. Levi raised an eyebrow challengingly, beady gray eyes boring into his soul.

"Okay, okay," Eren snapped, raising his hands as he looked away first. "I get it. Don't hate on the shit language."

"Ooooh, Jaeger said a bad word!" Jean was sitting up and pointed accusingly, a smug look on his face. Even worse, Mikasa was also awake and regarded Eren with an expression of such adult disappointment the elder brother wanted to put himself in the corner.

"But...he…" Eren pointed, but none of the children seemed to notice the discrepancy. _What a strange class_... Eren sighed. _Fucking double standards._

* * *

OMAKE: ( And I am not sorry.)

"And will you obey me in the future?" Levi asked.

"I will…" Sasha gave a pitiful salute.

Levi leaned in and gave Sasha the stinkeye. "I can't heeear yooou!"

Sashe leaped down to the ground and saluted. Abruptly, all the slumbering children sprung to their feet, the fire of dance in their eyes.

"AYE AYE, HEICHOU!" they chorused. Eren stared as Levi took a deep breath and bellowed out the song. The man kept his displeased look on his face the entire time. "Oooooooooooh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"

"Levi-heichou!"

"Powerful and sexy and badass is he!" Levi kicked up, boot swinging so close to Eren's face he felt the toe skim his cheek. His spine arched gracefully, arm twisted back to balance his leg in some sort of thug-version can-can.

"Levi-heichou!"

"If Attack on Nonsense is your desire!" Levi pointed at Eren.

"Levi-Heichou!"

"Then grab your Lysol and clean until you tire."

The background music dropped off as Levi dug out cleaning supplies from a conveniently-located closet. He handed out little bandannas for their heads and then bequeathed everyone with brooms or dusters.

"Huh?" Eren remained frozen as the children scattered to levy an attack on the dustbunnies that dared to exist. Somehow, Connie had climbed the curtains and was wiping down the windows.

"Jaeger, what are you doing?" Levi pinned him with a dark look. "There will be no song nor dance until this place is clean. Now get on it before I get on your ass."

"Aye aye...heichou..." Eren whispered and picked up a duster.


End file.
